Robert Gougaloff ‘s Parent Alienation Blog

A blog about Parent Alienation

Can children recover?

Can children recover from the symptoms left behind by the hostile-aggressive parenting strategies of one parent?  The answer is: I don’t know.  Actually I wish I knew!  If you have any experiences in these type of scenarios, please share them with all of us.

What is known is that psychological damage will eventually arise in children consistently subjected to PA.  This cluster of symptoms is formerly known as PAS (Parental Alienation Syndrome) which, by the way,  will most likely finally be included as a pathological behavior syndrome in the next edition of the DSM-IV.

My sentiment on the recovery issue is this:  It takes a lot of energy and effort to coerce a child or children into denigrating against another parent, because it is not within their genetic repertiore to do so.  It is therefore extremely difficult to force a child against its own natural instincts.  However the more successful the denigrating parent becomes in his or her effort to do so, the more damage is also done to the child.

Now,  the good news is that I have heard of many cases like that to have been successfully reversed with proper therapy.  Perhaps it is easier to fall back into the state of genetic normality (which is to allow the child to love both parents) than it is to move away from it, however it is the deep-rooted underlying damage that was done in the process, which I am concerned with and have no answer to.  A sudden reversal of symptoms in the children is to be taken cautiously, because this may just be a temporary veneer of behaviours that still have the actual deeper-rooted problems underneath it.  A HAP parent can easily convince the children to show affection and niceness to the target parent just to offer the appearance that the children are fine, however the psychological issues more likely than not are still present and need to be dealt with properly.

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October 5, 2008 Posted by | General Information | , , , , , , | 5 Comments

Parent Alienation, Parent Alientation Syndrome, HAP – What are they?

Hi everyone!

This is my first posting on this Blog on Parent Alienation (PA), Parent Alienation Syndrome (PAS) and Hostile Aggressive Parenting (HAP).  I decided to start this blog for two reasons: The first one is that my own children have been affected by it and the second one is that there is very little education out there – even in the legal profession.  My hope is therefore that this Blog evolves into a platform for sharing information and resources, for learning and education and for emotional support.

Before I start writing, however I feel that it is necessary to define the above referenced terms, so that you can get a better appreciation of what I am writing about.

Parent Alienation (PA) – is a general term that covers ANY situation in which one or more children can be alienated from a parent.  It can be caused by parental physical abuse, verbal abuse, emotional abuse, mental abuse, sexual abuse, abandonment and neglect.  A child can also be programmed by one parent to be alienated from another.  In relation to custody disputes, it can be defined as a group of behaviors that are damaging to children’s mental and emotional well-being, and can interfere with a relationship of a child and either parent.

Parent Alienation Syndrome (PAS) – is referred to a specific disorder in the child, which is caused by Parent Alienation activities.  A syndrome by definition is a cluster of symptoms appearing together.  These symptoms, although seemingly disparate, warrant being grouped together because of a common etiology or basic underlying cause.  In the case of Parent Alienation Syndrome, this cluster of symptoms usually includes:

·         A continued campaign of denigration against the target parent

·         Weak, frivolous or absurd rationalizations for the rejection of the target parent

·         Lack of ambivalence

·         The independent thinker phenomenon

·         Reflexive support of the alienating parent in the parental conflict

·         Absence of guilt (towards any wrong doing against the target parent)

·         Use of “borrowed scenarios” (usually an adult scenario)

·         Spread of animosity to the extended family and friends of the target parent

These symptoms (usually as a cluster) may be classified as mild, moderate or severe.

Hostile Aggressive Parenting (HAP) – is the more modern and descriptive definition of the elements of Parent Alienation.  It is a very serious form of child abuse and is usually encountered in most high conflict child-custody disputes and is often used as a tool to align the child with one parent during litigation.  HAP is usually expressed by behaviors such as:

·         Criticizing a parent in front of the children and at every opportunity

·         Not answer the phone when the other parent calls

·         Convincing the child that they should change their surname or just changing it without the   child’s knowledge

·         Playing on the children’s feelings of guilt and sympathy

·         Using the child as a weapon against the other parent and family members

·         Ordering or manipulating the child to not answer the phone when it rings

·         Saying that the child does not want to speak to the other parent

·         Undermining the other parent by encouraging the child to defy the other parent

These are just a few examples, but very common ones.  It is always important to remember that children do not posess the genetics to hate or dislike another parent, unless they are being physically abused by that parent on a continuing basis or they are being programmed to do so by the opposing parent.

I hope I was able to stimulate you a little to participate in the discussions.  I will continue to post topics on this blog and I invite everyone to comment on any of the posts.

Robert Gougaloff

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September 1, 2008 Posted by | General Information | , , , , , , | 3 Comments